How to Ruin an Awesome Night

So you meet up with friends to go out in Beantown for a going-away celebration. Said group of friends includes your ex-boyfriend, but you figure you can handle it for an evening - you've been talking over IM for a while and you've both agreed that this night is about your friend who is moving back home overseas. And secretly, you figure the night will be a success as long as you don't wind up crying in a bar bathroom somewhere.

So you go out, and everyone has a great time. Drinks are had. Food is consumed. More drinks are had. There is some dancing at some point. And you and the ex are friendly, and then flirty, and keep "accidentally" touching each other, and it's wonderful. The night winds down, the band finishes their set, you're all hanging out at the bar finishing last-call drinks. You head to the restroom one last time, and when you come back 2 minutes later, he's gone.

You all head outside, ready to take a cab back to another friend's apartment, and everyone is looking for him and wondering where he is. Finally he texts someone that he left, and texts you, telling you that he finds you way too attractive and so is walking home. Drunk, tired, feeling both abandoned by him and annoyed with yourself, you text back, telling him to F off.

So, what had previously been a fun evening suddenly feels like it has fallen into the shitter. Cab ride back is miserable - hot, lonely even with 4 other people there, and ends as all drunken cab rides seem to: with contents of stomach no longer where they should be. You somehow manage to avoid crying (a minor victory of sorts), but do spend some time outside whining to the only friend of the group who knows that the ex is your ex.

You crash on an air mattress at the apartment, and wake up at 7 and drive yourself home. Where you promptly go back to bed for 4 hours, and then spend the rest of the day alternating between reading and napping. You kind of hate yourself for still feeling this way about the ex, even though it's been 5 months since you broke up. You also kind of hate yourself for getting your hopes up that maybe things had changed. You really hate him for not being the man you thought he was, and for, as typical, taking the easy way out by disappearing on you. And you really wish that there was an off switch somewhere in your heart or brain so you could just get over him and move on with your life already, because missing him this much cannot be healthy.

Love sucks.

Guys I Am Not Dating

So Le copain français n'est plus, and has been ne plus for a couple of months now. The heartbreak is healing and I'm done wallowing in sorrow; now I'm ready for some distraction. I have been told in no uncertain terms by multiple people that I am Not Allowed to Date Coworkers Anymore, particularly with starting a new job. Clearly I need to find a new pool of men.

They say a great place to meet someone to date is volunteering for something you care about or just doing the activities you enjoy most. I spend my free time volunteering with the Girl Scouts and hanging out with my sorority alumnae group. Why haven't I met any available men?!

So I updated my dating site profiles (with help from some friends and a bottle of wine) and put myself back out there into the internet dating world. In the interests of privacy (both mine and the boys') I'm not planning to write about the guys I am dating. I will, however, tell you about the ones I am NOT going to be dating!

1: Guy I found via the "who's viewed your profile" list. His profile kindly requests that you not contact him if you are a "hippy, treehugger, or gay rights activist." I somehow think he would think my relatively centrist viewpoint was complete left-wing mumbo jumbo.

2: Guy who emailed me and didnt use apostrophes where necessary,or any spaces after punctuation.Like this.Very annoying.And surprisingly hard for me to type as an example!His emails would make my eyes bleed after 3 lines.

3. Guy who's wife cheated on him, left him for the other guy, and neither of them have filed the divorce papers yet - and he says so in the first paragraph of his profile. "I'm ready for a woman who won't break my heart." No honey, you're ready for a good therapist. Maybe in 6-9 months you might be ready to date. But I'm not a therapist, and I'm not looking for someone I have to fix.

Thankfully there appear to be a few witty, articulate, and possibly cute ones floating around out there in addition to the above!

C'est fini

So this happened.

That's not my story, and it's not 100% accurate to what happened between me and Le copain français, but it comes pretty damn close to it.

It was not my decision (clearly) and in retrospect, I'm not sure how much of it was my fault. Basically shit happened to me, and then different shit happened to him. I dealt with my shit by getting both bitchy and clingy; he dealt with his shit by pulling away, which (of course) made me bitchier and clingier. It pretty much downward spiraled from there.

It's been a while and I still don't really want to talk about it much. What I do want is to go back in time to mid-January and do a lot of things differently. Sadly, my time machine is out of commission, so I'm stuck figuring out how to move on from here. I still miss him and it still hurts. Some days more than others.

L thinks that "One day, great books shall be written about my wig, and how I doth FUCKING FLIPPED IT FOR NO GODDAMN REASON" should be embroidered on a pillow. I'm half tempted to do so, since I have both cross-stitch supplies and an abundance of free time on my hands.

In Which Many Drinks Are Had...

...And Kate fails to kick the French boy out.

Ahem.

Shit shit shit shit shit.

I did not do anything with him. Did not even kiss him. But did spend all night curled up next to him while he played with my hair. Which is quite possibly more dangerous. But, he also didn't try anything, so I'm not sure what's up with that.

Sigh. He is hot. I am conflicted.