How the hell do I put this thing in gear? Or even get the parking brake off??

This is not a great picture, and I will try to get a better one tomorrow, but I had lots of fun trying to start my rental car today. There were 3 guys out front of the building smoking and I practically had them in hysterics. (One of them did help me!) So this is what we learned today about starting an automatic transmission car in Europe.
1. The car will not turn over unless your foot is on the brake.
2. The lever on the right hand side of the steering column that is the same size as a gear shift in the US? Yeah, that's the wipers/windshield wash. Repeatedly trying to shift with this will only make the onlookers laugh harder.
3. The little lever at the top of the steering column that looks like an out-of-place turn signal lever? Yeah, that's what you shift with.
3a. R = reverse. At least this is intuitive.
3b. N = neutral. Also intuitive. But important to know, the car will not turn over unless it is in neutral, nor will it allow the parking brake to be set (more on this later).
3c. A = automatic shift. Revs a bit much when it does so, but at least it does not involve Kate trying to get out of first without stalling.
3d. M = manual shift. No, there is no clutch. Yes, I can manually shift the gears with the short levers on either side of the steering column. I will be trying this once I'm slightly more comfortable with the whole driving in a foreign country thing, because it seems like all the fun of manually shifting without all the mucking about with clutching and stalling. Win-win for everyone.
4. There is no release lever for the parking brake. Do not bother looking for one. Just put your foot on the gas and the brake will release.
5. So you made it through 5 roundabouts and 2 small villages without killing yourself, the car, or any innocent French citizens. What, now you want to park the car? Use foot brake to stop, put car in neutral, and hit big "P" button in center of dash console to set parking brake. Do not absentmindedly hit red button directly below "P", unless you feel the need to turn the hazards on.
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